One Weird Night or I Think the Diet Dr. Peper Was Bad
by Casey Carpenter
Once upon a time in a place far, far away (at least for me) there lived a
vampire named Nicholas. He was an angsty vampire, a vampire who didn't
like what he was. So one day (or is it night?) he went out to see an
image consultant to help him. He told her he wanted to be happy, to stop
being so angsty and depressed. This being his first time seeking help,
he didn't realize that who he saw was, instead, a redecorator.
One night Nick came home. He opened the lift door to find his whole loft
redecorated.....in bright pink and yellow colors. His blinds were no
longer black but a shade of neon green. Nick screamed and Tracy, who had
come home with him because her own apartment was being renovated, said,
"Nick! I love your loft!! It's so perky!"
Nick glared at Tracy, his eyes squinting from all the bright colors.
Tracy happily sat at the neon pink couch.
At this very time Nick heard the lift. Nat! Nick ran to the lift door
to stop Nat from seeing the horror, but it was to late. Nat took one
look, screamed, and fainted from the shock of being blinded by the bright
Tracy got up from the couch and ran to help Nick with Nat. Nick picked
up Nat and laid her down on the couch. Tracy went to the kitchen to get
some nice orange juice from the kitchen. She looked in Nick's 'fridge
and saw nothing but green bottles. No orange juice.
"Nick, I'm gonna go to the store real quick," Tracy said as she happily
bounced out the door, humming....la la lalala la lala la la
Nick sat with Nat waiting for her to wake up and Tracy's return. As
Tracy walked into the loft Nat started to wake up. Tracy quickly got a
glass and went to the couch. "Here," she said, "this will help!" Tracy
gave Nat a glass of nice, sunny Florida orange juice.
Nat, still in shock, screamed again and fainted. Nick scowled at Tracy.
Tracy just smiled and started drinking out of the glass. No sense in
"Tracy, maybe you should find someplace else to stay..." Nick said, still
"O.K., mabye your right. I'll go visit Vachon!" Tracy said as she walked
out of the loft.
Nick picked a semi-concsious Nat up into his arms. Nat smiled. He
walked up the stairs and went to his bedroom......
And promptly both fainted at the sight of his bedroom.....
Pink.....evil pink...all over the place.....
Lacroix felt the sudden horror and disgust in his son. What could have
caused such a thing?!
Lacroix flew out of the Raven without thinking and over to Nick's loft.
He went in though the sky light, only to land in the perky horror that
was Nick's loft. He looked around, completely blinded by the colors.
Not a black color in sight! Suddenly he started to smoke....it was just
too much for the master vampire.
Lacroix flew out of the loft only to meet the oncoming sunrise. He was
burning pretty bad now...either the sun or the loft.....he was about to
choose the sun when it suddenly dawned on him (bad pun, I know), Nick's
trunk! Lacroix flew down to the garage and lifted the trunk of the
Lacroix swiftly got in and sighed. He was safe! Then he heard a noise.
It was coming from inside the trunk. Then he heard it....
"I am Papa Smurf of Borg, you *will* be asmurfilated. Resistance if
A mightly scream came from the trunk of the Caddy, then utter silence....
Lacroix never came out of that Caddy trunk again....as the sun rose and
set again the trunk came up and out stepped....
LaSmurf of Borg.