Flashes of Insight
by Father Nat and Mother Superior/Sister Dementia
"Geez, Nick," Nat said, after pulling out yet another
bullet from tonights
festivities from Nick's side. "You won't be able to wear
this in a deli..
they'll try and stick it on a sandwich, thinking it's a piece of
swiss
cheese...."
"But, Nat, I like this coat."
"I like my shoes, too, but when the heel goes, they do too.
C'mon, Nick,
it's not like you don't have the money to replace it."
"It's not the money."
Natalie stopped, and looked up at him. //*sigh*// "OK, which
great dead
person gave this to you?"
Nick got that far-away look, and Nat swatted him. "No, no
zoning out.
Tell me."
"Harpo Marx."
"You're kidding. No, that would be appropriate. Are you
serious?"
Natalie started checking out the lining for horns, silverware,
and that
frizzy blonde wig. Nick looked on as Natalie tore his coat apart.
"Well, I
guess *that* settles it. I checked... it's empty."
Natalie pouted, and looked up. "Oh, well. Worth a shot - no
pun intended."
Nick smiled and tapped her on the nose. "Okay. I'll go out
and buy another
one, just for you. Good?"
She smiled back and poked a finger through one of the holes, her
finger
wiggled around in it. "Yes."
(Next Night)
Nick sauntered into the precinct. "Hey Schanke." Don
looked up. "Sheesh.
Where did you get *that,* Nick?"
"You like it? It's not too long, is it?" Nick stroked
the side of the
object of Don's admiration and held it close to his body.
"Not bad. 'Course, I guess I shouldn't have expected
anything less hanging
off of you. Have you shown Nat yet? She'll love it...You probably
won't be
able to get it away from her."
Nick smiled, then noticed another tag hanging off his new coat.
"How many
of these are here? I've picked off three already."
Schanke helped pull one or two more tags off, as Nick looked up.
"Uh,
Schank,I think I'm going to go show Nat what I've got. See ya in
a few."
"Sure, Pard. Make it quick, though, we've got the Rookie
Patrol coming in
tonight, and we don't want them to miss Wonder Boy in
action."
"I don't think they'll miss it. Right, guys?"
Nick smiled and beat a hasty retreat as Schanke turned to the
smiling faces
of a dozen rookies. "Oh, boy...."
Nick entered the morgue, almost skipping like a school girl with
delight as
he thought bout showing Nat his new coat. He located his
favourite coroner
and sidled up behind her. "Hey, I've got omething to show
you."
Natalie was bending over her desk but stood up straight when she
heard his
words, a smile spread over her face. "Really? Now pray tell,
what could
that be?" She turned around and smirked when he gave her a
really odd look.
"I got a new coat. " He suddenly looked a lot like the
girl from Clueless
as he put his hands on his hips and asked. "What did you
think I meant?"
She opened her mouth but thought better of it and just shook her
head.
"Nothing. Now, turn around Kitten and let me see this
coat."
Schanke led his troupe of newbies into the coroner's building.
Muttering
about baby sitting this group, he waited for the last ones to
straggle in.
"Now, we in the department arent the only ones doing
detective work.
Here's the ME's office. There's not a lot of excitement here, but
what
they do helps us out tremendously. And from what Natalie - the
head
coroner for the night shift,
you'll meet her later - says, it's always very fulfilling
interacting with
the police. She helps my partner and I - well, mostly my partner
- out
quite often."
>From down the hall, he could have sworn he heard Natalie say
"But, it looks
really good."
"You can't... Nat, you're pulling it too hard."
"Nick, it's the only way I can get it off."
Schanke knew he misheard that. "Now, first is the check-in.
Here's where
we get the preliminary paperwork, normally." His monologue
weakened as he
listened some more.
"Well, if you want to take it home with you, why don't you
just get the
scissors and just snip it off? It's a lot quicker, and you won't
be yanking
it around so much."
"If that's how you're going to be, I just might do
that."
" I still need to break it in some, but I've gotten rather
attached to
it...Not so hard, Nat! It doesn't stretch that much!"
"Settle down, Nick - it takes time to do this right. Now
just let me take
care of it and it'll all be over - I promise, it's painless. I
used to do
this to my boyfriends in college all the time!"
"Geez, Nat. Do you have to be so rough?"
Schanke hesitated - he wasn't sure he *wanted* to know. But, the
tour
must go on. He took a deep breath. "And here's where it gets
interesting,
folks. This is the... uh, examination room. Nat does some of her
best work
in here." He swung the doors open as the rookies crowded
around.
Inside, his partner stood with his coat wide open, and he could
see Natalie
on her knees from underneath the hem. A compilation of mouths
fell open as
they heard Natalie singing, "When I think of you, I touch
my... "
Nick's head swiveled around as they heard the door open...
"...Schank!"
Tracy Chin, the youngest of the rookies, looked puzzled.
"Touch your what?"
Natalie dropped the scissors, and the tag she was cutting, and
fell to the
ground laughing.
Her demented coroners mind had the last thought on the situation.
'Now
that's an orientation they will never forget!'
The End