Every Time I Fall Back

by Jody

Archived November 2002 
Warning: This story is rated R. If you are under 
18 years then  please do not read any further

This story takes place immediately after the Sons of Belial.  The song "Every Time I Fall Back" is by Pat Benatar.  The song "If That's What It Takes" is by Celine Dion.

	She had come to offer some solace, to hold him in her arms and offer sweet words of reassurance and encouragement.  But how had she found 
him......drinking human blood.....guzzling it even.  The shame he had felt, 
the helplessness in the aftermath of the demon's possession of his already 
tortured soul.  He had felt violated, used, a puppet of a beast who would 
revel in conflict, manipulation, torture, and ........death.  Yes, he had won 
the war for his soul, but in the wake of the final battle he had lost much.  
Dark desires again whispered in his ear tempting him back, seducing him back 
with the singing of the sanguine nectar of human blood.  
	He had felt her fear of him, smelt it in her scent as she cautiously 
approached him to console him.  "My brave little angel," thought Nick.  Her 
faith had been shaken as for the first time she had become the prey of the 
beast, a last attempt by the demon to drive out the goodness he had 
cultivated.  To have destroyed Natalie Lambert would have been a victory 
indeed.  Without her, the demon would have usurped his soul from himself,
from LaCroix.  It had been *her* voice that penetrated his fugue state and renewed the vigor to drive out the malevolent adversary.
	"I can stay with you if you want......." she had said.
	"I'm fine," Nick had replied in strained tones.
	"....It's over Nick........

	"Was it?" he thought later after she had gone. "It never ends.......the 
struggle *never* ceases!  How can I make you understand that, Nat"  How
much more could he take?  The countless setbacks and disappointments were
taking their toll on his emotional resolve, depleting his precious reserve
of hope.  With trembling fingers Nick reached toward his stereo and flipped on the power and then trudged back to the refrigerator as once again the consuming hunger whispered its demands.......

I don't know if it's me or just the sign of the times
But I want a better life than the one I've been living
Ain't no one says that you can't change who you are
Ain't no law says you gotta take what you're given

I wanna find a place where the nights are warm
And the wind don't blow so cold against my skin
I wanna find some shelter.......
Someone's arms.......
When I go too far I know that

Everytime I fall back
You grab my shoulder to keep me from falling
Everytime I fall back
You're arms are open
I hear you calling me

I believe that people are the same where ever you go
Everybody's seen their reflection
The face we wear is not a face at all
No.  We've lost all direction

Don't want to dance the dance of the fool no more
Don't want to give away my soul away for nothing
Don't want to sell myself door to door

Taking a final swallow of the sweet elixir,  Nick turned back towards the 
massive wooden fireplace and was suddenly startled by his own reflection in 
the mirror.  His eyes were  golden.....feral.....His fangs were slightly 
protruding from under his lips....the sound of prey in the streets below 
burning in his ears..."No......oh God........no!  Not again.........not
*ever* again!!!!!!  Oh God......help me......give me strength," cried Nick
in anguish as he hurled the drained bottle toward the reflection of horrors
and shattered it.  Just like his life, the mirror lay in  pieces on the
floor.  No direction, no cohesion left ....his sanity balancing on the jagged precipice of despair.  Out of the corner of his eye,  a small bundle of blue caught Nick's  attention.  Natalie's sweater.......Nick flew across the room and buried his face in the soft folds of the fabric breathing in the sweet scent that 
belonged only to her.  God, how he needed her soft comfort now.........how he 
hungered for her gentle caress........

I just want to know that.......
Every time I fall back,
You grab my shoulder to keep me from falling
Every time I fall back,
Your arms are open,
I hear you calling me........

I hear you calling me.........

I hear you calling me

The consuming agony and despair became unbearable.........he was falling so 
fast. Defenseless against the onslaught of warring emotions, Nick cried out
his torment. Feeling the walls begin to close, Nick hurled himself skyward, 
shattering the skylight above.

	The dark figure slowly approached the sleeping woman.  Her auburn curls were spread across the pillow, one arm slightly curving around her gray and white cat that lay snuggled under her chin.  Sensing another presence in
the room the animal stirred from its slumber.  Upon seeing the predator's
feral gaze, the feline nimbly sprang to its feet, arched its back, and emitted a low growl of warning. As the intruder stalked towards the bed, the cat hissed in 
defiance.  The challenge was met and answered in kind but with considerable 
more force than the small adversary.  Defeated, the cat relinquished his 
prize.  Natalie Lambert rolled to her back and sat up against the pillows, 
eyes wide with apprehension. She lifted her chin slightly and faced the 
	"Nick?" she said in a hesitant voice, "Is that you?"
	Without answering Nicholas Knight moved silently out of the shadows toward Natalie,  his eyes golden.
	"Nick, what's wrong.........why are you here........." came the nervous 
	 Nick continued his advance, his stalking gaze paralyzing its prey.  
	"Nick!.......Please!  Tell me what's wrong!" Natalie cried anxiously in
her desperation to discern this  provocative behavior so unlike the Nick
she knew.
	The vampire's only answer was to draw back the sheet, force her backward onto the bed, and press his body down onto hers.  Nick reached for, and captured, both of Natalie's wrists, pinning them above her head.  He began to rain soft kisses along her hairline flowing down the gentle slope of her
neck.  Upon reaching the base, he lifted his head and slowly rubbed his
cheek against her own, emitting a sigh of contentment at the intimate contact.
	 "Nick......," gasped Natalie in tortured breath as she tried to gather her shattered wits.  She was swept by an onslaught of tumultuous emotions evoked by Nick:  fear......arousal........concern for Nick's uncharacteristic
	"Please, Nat don't talk.....I need you now.....to be close to you......touch  you......" answered Nick, his voice rough. He would brook no argument, no refusal.  Not when he needed her so terribly. Nick shifted both of Natalie's wrists to one hand and brought its companion down to caress her cheek.  It then drifted down her neck, her shoulder, and came to rest upon the mound beneath her negligee. His long fingers stroked the fullness of her breast, working their way upward to lightly pinch and roll the pink nipple at the
peak with thumb and forefinger. Abruptly the tantalizing hand ceased its torment. Nick unfastened each pearl button then gently removed one side of the gown, then the other.  The sensation of the silken fabric sliding across her
breasts caused Natalie to moan in pleasure.  Her nipples contracting to small nubs as arousal blossomed.  Nick leaned forward to taste one nub, swirling his tongue around its outline and then suckling, drawing it deep within his mouth.  Natalie began to tremble with the force of her rising passion. 	
	"Please, Nick.....release my hands" she pleaded.  
	"*No*" came the emphatic response.  Instead Nick used his free hand to 
unbutton his own shirt which he then quickly discarded. Waves of sensual 
pleasure washed over both lovers as skin met skin. Plunging forward Nick 
penetrated Natalie's mouth in a hard, searing kiss that stole her breath
 He continued to plunder her mouth until her body writhed beneath his in  
primal need.  Natalie felt a warmth beginning to build deep inside and
outward from her womb. Suddenly releasing her lips Nick lifted his head and 
stared down at Natalie with tortured eyes. 
	"I want to take you, Nat.  Possess all that you are.........please Nat..... 
give into me......... drive it away......help me!" he pleaded. Nick resumed 
his sensual barrage of Natalie's senses,  building them to a fevered hunger 
that matched his own.  His lips plundered relentlessly, tasting every 
exquisite inch of her exposed flesh.  But it wasn't enough. He wanted more.  
She wanted more.  He could see it in her eyes as he looked into them.  "I'll 
make you feel good, Nat.  I promise.  Just let me have you
tonight....please!  I need too have you, be in you, be part of you and make
you a part of me."
	Nick could feel the dark desires of depravity and destruction and well up 
within him.  The bitter legacy of the demon's possession had reawakened the 
vampire's desire to possess a soul utterly.  To control that soul, and devour 
its fear and gorge on its essence and steal away its vitality in order to 
slake the never ending thirst.   Nick's body shuddered in revulsion at these 
desires,  feeling the bile rise at the back of his throat.  But he wouldn't 
let demon win.  Not when he had his salvation here in his arms.  She would 
drive it all away.  He would take her this night and she would conquer the 
evil coursing through him.  She gave him strength when his own faltered.  She 
gave him resolve when his crumbled.  She gave him reason and logic when he 
became lost in sorrow and guilt. She was everything. 
	Nick reached down and began fumbling with the zipper on his jeans.  Using
his free hand, he was soon released from his confinement. He wanted to fill
her up and feel himself slide within the slick tightness of her vagina.  He
wanted to feel her contracting around his swollen member as she climaxed.
Wanted to hear his name on her lips as she screamed out her fulfillment.
But first he had to prepare her.  Give her the pleasure that would fuel his
own when he took her.  He reached for Natalie's undies.  Natalie felt the
garment being ripped away, exposing her most hidden secrets to the usurping
hand now caressing the soft folds of her labia.  Nat's breath caught in her
throat as she felt Nick's hand move to her clitoris. His thumb flicked
gently across the sensitive nub.  Then she felt exquisite pressure and
penetration as Nick slipped two fingers inside her vagina, moving them at a
tortuously sweet slow pace, in and out.  
	Natalie gasped as her body moved of its own accord in response to the
sensual rhythm that Nick had set in motion. She felt every thrust of his
hand and 
moved to push him ever deeper inside her.  She could feel the heat building
her mid-section, her womb coiling ever tighter in anticipation of the
pulsating release to come.
	"Nick!" cried Natalie. "Please I.......I......need you to....to"
Nick smothered her plea in a sensuous kiss, his tongue prying her lips open
delve into her mouth.  Nat made soft mewling noises, begging her tormenting 
lover to fulfill his promise of possession.  But still it was not yet to be.
	Without breaking the kiss, Nick removed his free hand from her inner core.
 He gently  raised Nat up and pulled pillows beneath her shoulder blades.
Then, with great care, he pushed her backward across the pillows, with her
slightly lower than the level of her shoulders allowing her breasts to rise 
upwards and pull taught.  Nick also entwined both his hands with hers and
them over her head.  Natalie was now fully exposed and vulnerable to Nick's 
lips as he once again captured their peaks in this mouth.  
	By now, every one of Nat's nerve endings were burning.  Nick let his mouth
travel downwards to her navel.  His kisses blazed a trail back up and
around her  right breast coming to rest on the contracted pink center.  He
suckled first one peak then the other until his own need to be inside her
compelled him to move his engorged penis to the entrance of her sweetness.
Nick could feel the warm slickness of her as his lower body rubbed against
	"Oh God!" cried Nat as she felt him enter her and begin to move.  Tears of
frustration slid down Natalie's cheeks.   She wanted to grab him, touch him, 
and force him to increase his slow rhythm to a fervent pounding.  Her lower 
body bucked and writhed to encourage a more passionate mating. 
	"Nick......release me...let me touch you......" whimpered Nat.
	"NO! You'll leave me........"gasped Nick as he struggled to control his 
	"I won't leave you Nick..........please.....!" begged Nat.
	"I frightened you tonight when I let the vampire out Nat!  I saw the look
in your eyes!  And it's going to emerge again and very soon,  but I need
you too 
much tonight Natalie.  You don't know how much," said Nick in a hoarse 
tortured voice.  "I can't let you leave me now.  Not even if I wanted too.  I 
don't think I'll make it if you aren't here."
	"Nick,  I promise you, I won't leave.  You're in so much pain.  I just
want to hold you in my arms.   Trust me Nick......just trust me.  I'm here.
won't let you fall!"
	With a small shudder, Nick released Natalie's wrists and enfolded her deep
within his embrace.  Freed from their confinement, Nat allowed her hands to
drift through his silky blonde curls, caressing his face. She murmured words 
of comfort, kissed his cheeks, his eyes and finally his lips.  Nick's raspy 
breathing increased as the warm blanket of her body heated his own.  He hid 
his face in her hair, kissed her neck, and tightened his hold on her trying
get closer, but it wasn't enough. His need to be one with made him increase 
his thrusting tempo into a pounding that drove closer to the edge of
Natalie wrapped her legs about his middle and pulled Nick higher to further 
increase his angle of penetration. Suddenly Nick ceased his pile driving 
thrusts and pushed himself as deeply as he could go inside of her.  He 
whispered her name as his penis touched the center of her cervix.  as he
go inside of her.  He grabbed Natalie's hips and began to grind against her, 
rocking her pelvis against his own.
	Natalie felt her feminine core coil ever tighter, the heat within her rose.  
Nick continued to grind his penis against her cervix.  And then for a brief 
second Natalie felt languid, the tension easing.  Then as Nick made a single 
thrust within her, Natalie felt the world begin to fall away as the wave of 
her orgasm fell upon her. Nick felt her contracting around his penis. He
his head back in ecstasy feeling the erotic massage of her muscle around him.
  	He began nuzzling her neck again.  He took in the scent of the nectar 
running beneath her skin.  Her liquid essence that was calling to him...He 
need to be filled with her...all that was her.........her fire and
passion...her devotion...her faith....he wanted all of that and more.  He
needed it to drive away the horror of the past days. He felt desecrated,
	Trembling Nick began suckling Nat's neck, caressing it with his tongue. He
reared his head back and silently plunged his fangs into Natalie's pliant 
flesh.  As her blood flowed down his throat, he took her essence within him.  
The light of her soul seared into the darkness of his completing the circle, 
one half finding the other. He closed his eyes and watched images flash 
through his mind.  And he saw........he saw himself through *her* eyes.  And 
what he saw and felt in her blood humbled him. 
	 She gasped at the unexpected onslaught. She felt a brief moment of pain
as Nick's fangs penetrated her neck.   Natalie's vision began to blur and
fade to grey.  Visions of the vampire and visions of Nick appeared in her
Sensations of swirling darkness, violence, helplessness, horror, and death 
pounded into her being.  It grew large and menacing, threatening to consume 
	"Nick!  Nick! she called. Desperately, Natalie reached out along this new
invisible link  trying to find him......calling him back........pulling him 
away from the darkness that threatened to consume him.
	Nick felt her journey towards himself.  He was flailing on dark shores, 
gasping for renewed life.  Gradually he began to feel the warmth of her 
lapping around edges of his despairing soul.   He began to tingle and feel 
renewed as her strength surrounded him.   The tide became a raging current 
pulling him back into life-giving waters.  He heard her calling him...and
he answered...Nick shuddered as he felt his own orgasm explode,  releasing
his seed within her.  His body writhed in pleasure as he felt the power of
Nat's blood baptize and renew his tattered faith. 
	Nick withdrew his fangs from Natalie's neck. He dropped his head to her
shoulder as wracking sobs overtook him. She cradled him, like a child in her 
arms, stroking his hair.  She had never seen him cry before.  It took her by 
surprise.  She had seen him enraged, dismayed, forlorn, all sorts of
but he had never allowed his emotions to break free of his tight restraint.  
For long moments she held him while he released his emotional turmoil, until, 
finally, he began to pull away.  
	"Oh God, Nat, how could I  have done  that to you?  I'm......" choked
Nick,  "Nat ..I'm so sorry....I could've.......I could've......" he sobbed.
should go......I'll pack up and leave....Oh God!  What have I done?
	"No, Nick. Don't go. Stay here with me," replied Nat. "I'm here for you
Nick.  I've always been here for you....'ll give you everything I
can....you only have to ask." said Nat as she pulled his head back down to
her chest.  The silent tears rolled down Nick's cheek.  He felt Natalie
caressing his hair and heard her soft voice crooning to him:

You're the bravest if hearts,
You're the strongest of souls
You're my light in the dark
You're the place I call home

You can say it's all right 
But I know you're breakin, up inside
I see it in your eyes......

Even you face the night,
Afraid and alone
That's why I'll be there

When the storm rises up, when the 
shadows descend
Every beat of my heart
Every day without end
Every second I live
That's a promise I make
Baby that's what I'll give
If that's what it takes

You can sleep in my arms
You don't have to explain
When your hearts cryin out
Baby whisper my name
Cause I've reached out for you
When the thunder is crashin up above
You've given me your love

When you smile like the sun
It shines through the rain
That's why I'll be there

When the storm rises up, when the
shadows descend
Ev'ry beat of my heart, ev'ry day 
without end 
I will stand like a rock, I will bend 
till I break
Till there's no more to give, if that's 
what it takes
I will risk everything, I will fight 
I will bleed
I will lay down my life, if that's 
what you need

Every second I live
That's the promise I make 
Baby that's what I'd give
If that's what it takes
Through the wind and the rain, through 
the smoke and the fire
When the fear rises up, when the 
wave's ever higher
I will lay down my heart, my body, 
my soul
I will hold on all night and never
let go
Ev'ry second I live, that's the promise 
I make
Baby, that's what I'll give if that's 
what it takes...............

	"Nick you didn't hurt me and that's what matter's. It's okay.  Stay.  ."
said Natalie.
	"I can't.... I might.......lose control again," stammered Nick.
	"And what will you do if that happens Nick........Stop trying to be the 
fearless and honorable crusader. Just come here and sleep beside me.  You 
can't run forever.  Stay with me. Don't be alone right now," said Natalie.
	" I can't hide from this Nat.  I don't know where to start this time.  This 
set back......."
	"Nick, you can only start over again and take it one day at a time..." 
replied Nat in comforting voice.  "These emotions won't magically disappear.  
They'll recede for a while and then at an unexpected moment, it will tear you 
apart again.  And you start...." Nat paused for a moment as she brought his 
face up to look at her, "you start right here, love.  Right here where you
now.  I've got you Nick.  I'm not going to lose you.  I won't let you fall."
	Nick looked into her eyes and felt humbled by the love he saw shining in 
them.  She had pulled him back from the edge of the maelstrom many times 
without getting lost in it's center.  But this time she was the anchor that 
bound him to sanity, lashed him to firm ground as the storm had swept over 
them both.  She had held him safe and had not been devoured by the darkness 
plaguing his soul.  
	"Nat, I love you," said Nick in a humble tone.
  He sighed and thanked the benevolent spirits that put this woman in his 
path.  And, after silently praying that he wouldn't drag her over the cliff 
with him he conceded to that love.  "All right Nat. All right. I'll stay."

The End