Caution: Coroner Driving
by BJ

"Nat, are you drunk?"

"No. Of nourse cot...don't re bidiculus."

"Aw Nat..."

Nick guided Natalie over to the couch.

"How did this happen?"

Nat smiled lopsidedly at Nick.

She tried to uncross her eyes.

"Oh, there's two of you..."

Natalie grinned wickedly.

"Double the pleasure, double the fun..."

She made a grab at the un-blurry Nick.



"I'm going to make you some coffee."

"No, no I'm fine...jus' a little..."

"Sauced? Nat, how did you make it over here in your condition?"

"Hmmm. Don' know...oh, by the way...did the Caddy have a big crunch on the
driver's side before? What did you do to it? Poor thing.'s a big

Nick groaned and handed Nat the coffee mug.

"Nat you don't drink...what happened to you?"

Nat's face crumbled and she started to sniffle.

Nick took her in an embrace.

"What is it Nat? You can tell me."

Nat buried her head in Nick's chest.




Nick held Natalie away from his chest.

"What happened? Did you overdose on cough medicine?"

"I dinit...I just..."

"How much did you take?"

"I don't know...the letters were blurry on the bottle and...then..."


"Aw Nat. Why don't you lie down here on the couch for a while until it
wears off?"

Nat sniffled.

"I wanted to make this a romantic evening...but, but."


Nat looked up at Nick with watery eyes...

Nick took her in an embrace again.

"Did you try taking an allergy shot? It's the season you know."

"Yes. But..."

"What are you allergic to? Ragweed? Pollen?..."

"No, not gagreed er, ragweed or pollen..."

"What then?"



"Yes. I'm allergic to you Nick! That's why I took the whole bottle! I
wanted to be here with you tonight and now..."

"Aw Nat...I'm sorry. Here, lie down and get some rest okay? You weren't
allergic to me maybe its something new? Maybe my new coat?
Or, my cologne? When did your allergies start?"

He gently lay Natalie on the couch and pulled a blanket over her. He
knelt down by Nat's side and stroked her hair.

He handed her his silk handkerchief and kissed her forehead.

"I dunno. About a week ago...everytime I came over here...I started
sniffling and...ACCHHHOOO!"

"Hmmm. Well, I tried a new shampoo...maybe that's it."


"Let me go upstairs and take a shower okay? I'll be back in a minute and
we can test that theory."

When Nick came down the stairs a while later, he was dressed in his black
pajamas and red robe, his hair a little damp from the shower.

He knelt beside Nat.


Nat smiled.


"Darn it!"

"Maybe it's the laundry soap?"

He took off the robe and tossed it across the piano bench and leaned
closer to Nat...

"Hey, I ting dat...ACKCHOOO!"

Natalie grinned wickedly and shifted her position on the squeaky leather

"Maybe...your pajamas?"

Nick groaned.

And took off everything except...

"How cute! You have little duckies on your shorts!!! ACHHOOO!"

"Oh, no..."

Nat jumped from her lounging positon.

"Nick! What in the the world is that??"

Nick looked down...

"Well, Nat...if you..."

"No! What is that thing in the corner?"

Nat was pointing across the room.

"Oh! That's my dog..."

"That's a dog?"

"Yeah. You like him?"

"Nick, he looks like a bad throw rug!"

"That's not nice Nat."

Nick walked over and picked up the little bundle of fur.

Nat winced.

"Where'd you get that...ACHOOO! Thing?"


"Nick! He's missing an ear..."

"I know. I was gonna call him Van Gogh."

Nat groaned.

"Nick, he's missing an eye...and a couple of teeth."


"Nick that dog must be about 300 years old!!"

"Hey! Don't upset him! He's had a hard day!"

Nick started talking baby talk to the doggie.

Nat rolled her eyes.

Nick set the dog on the floor.

"Nick! Holy cow! The poor thing only has three legs!!"

The dog fell over.

"And part of his tail is missing so? I think he's adorable."

The dog barked and wagged his stub and squinted his one good eye.

"See, he likes me...Don't you? You widdle, wonderful...wubbable..."

"I'm gonna be sick..."

"You don't like him? You know that they can sense that?"

Nat sighed.

"He's okay. I guess. For a cartoon character. What's his name anyway?"


"Arrrghhh...ACHHOOO, ACHOOOO!"

The dog waddled up the stairs to Nick's bedroom.

Nat stopped sneezing.

"It's him!!! It's that fuzzy fleabag!! He's what I'm allergic to not you!
Ha!! When did you say you got him?"

"Last week..."

"Okay, problem solved. Get rid of the dog!"

"I can't Nat! He's my friend!"

"So am I! Would you rather snuggle with me or that thing?"

Nick didn't answer as quickly as Nat would have liked...

"I can't believe you Nick! You choose that little...Cubist Painting over

Three days the Raven...

LaCroix was sitting at the bar.

"So...are you my widdle, wovable, wonderful...yes you are! My widdle,

The End